Hey, guys! So, I’ve been saying that I have arachnophobia for at least the last decade or more. I’ve never sought the opinion of a professional and I’m not even really sure what qualifications a person needs to have before being stamped in the forehead with the phrase “Grade A Certified Phobic”. All the same, spiders and I are not cool with each other. This is actually the first summer in…seven years that I haven’t been terrorized by one of those hippo-sized, eight legged losers.
You have no idea how often I lie in bed at night thinking, “All I want in a partner is a size 12 boot or a thriving career in pest control.” I can’t even. I don’t want to look at spiders, think about them, spray one, trap one—nothing. When it comes to anything else, I have no trouble taking the vacuum hose and sucking it up into oblivion. Problem solved.
However, spiders are where I have to draw the line. As much as I’d genuinely love to always be humane and dispose of the things outside, I’m so terrified of them that I will graciously accept whatever fate they meet as long as someone else gets them the heck away from me. Unfortunately, with me living out here in the country…the struggle is real.
Keeping my crippling fear of spiders in mind, meet “Charlotte” (Remember Charlotte’s Web?). Well, at least that’s what I named her…him…it. I’m honestly not sure what gender this spider identifies with, but according to my cringe-worthy research, it looks like a female. I was able to peg its species as Araneus diadematus, or the Cross Orbweaver.
Anyhow, this thing decided to take a two week holiday smack dab in the middle of the window in front of my bed. Every single time that I went to open my drapes for the day or wanted to look outside, there it was looking like a web-weaving tiger…or something.
All kinds of no.
For at least a week and a half, the thing refused to move or relieve me of gawking at it in horror. Sure, it would move a centimeter to the left and another centimeter to the right, but it literally did nothing more than sit on its web 24/7 doing…spider stuff.
One morning, I threw my drapes open kind of forcefully. I guess the vibrations went through the window or something because I caught the spider scurrying away as fast as her gross little spider legs would carry her. I’m actually cracking up so hard right now just remembering how scared she looked. I almost felt sorry for her, but not really.
Go away. I really don’t like you.
Of course, she didn’t stay in hiding very long. She came right back to her web and stayed there…until someone recently came over and opened my window.
I never saw Charlotte again. She’s probably setting up house in my room as I type this. I won’t even bother telling you how rude she was either. The thing didn’t even say goodbye.
Hmm. Too late.
A day or so later, I was finally able to photograph one of the many elusive deer that roam my backyard. I cannot tell you how hard it is to get a photo of these things. First of all, they never stay in one place long enough for me to grab my camera and change out the lens. If you even blink too long, you’ll miss them. At best, you might catch a glimpse of them trotting off into the woods, but that’s about it.
Luckily, it must have been dinnertime for this deer. It stood around nibbling the grass for several minutes, allowing me to take video and photos at my leisure.
So. Freakin’. Cute.